The Source of Discontent

Look at this goofy kid. Long hair, skinny as hell, rash guard too small, and God knows who's surfboard he's carrying. That was me. About 5 years ago. I moved to Hawai'i because I felt like God was telling me to step out in faith and go.

I got there, and nothing happened like I thought it would, but that's life. Especially when you're living from day to day in faith not knowing when or where your next meal is going to be just that it will come. There is a certain and undeniable freedom that comes from life lived in such an edgey manner.

So, what happens to us? Somewhere along the line, I lost faith. I lost faith that what I was doing was the right thing. I didn't lose faith that God would take care (even though sometimes I'm not sure if I have faith in that or not). I lost faith in myself. Now - I do not regret the decisions I made between then and now if for no other reason, because in that time I learned a valuable skill, met my wife, and have started a family (at this writing, our son, Noah, is about 3 1/2 months old). But, there are things that I do regret. I regret that I don't live my life as much in faith now as I did then.

I drive one and a half hours to work each way four days a week. I have a lot of time to think. I think about a lot of stuff. I think about how disconent I am that I traded my awesome 2007 Dodge Ram 1500 for our dinky 2009 Saturn Vue Hybrid. I made

the voluntary and conscious decision to downgrade my vehicle for the sake of our budget (which might turn out to be a moot point in a few months...time will tell). I think about the last time I traded a truck for a smaller car thinking I'd get better gas mileage - the ironic thing is that I traded the truck for a Saturn back then also. The other funny thing is that I was just as discontent about it then as I am now. This is just one example.

I also think about ministry. Why did I ever want to do ministry? Why do I still want to do ministry? What does it even mean to do ministry? Is my vision for ministry that I had when I

was 17 (Two Thirds Worldwide Surf Ministry...at the time it was called Water Walkers Surf Ministry) a viable or plausible ministry? And what about my new idea for ministry - Two Thirds Surf (a Christian Surf Magazine)? Personally, I have just been involved in so many things that I wasn't passionate about that I want to do something that I love doing - something that I can't wait to get started on when I wake up in the morning. And I have never felt more productive or happy about what I was doing with myself as I did in that period of time living in faith and volunteering full time at my church in Hawai'i. I started my second surf minsitry out there. I organized beach clean-ups, surf lessons, and Bible studies. It was great.

But, how do I do that now? I have so many time contraints:

• Work - 8-12 hour shifts
• Driving to work - 3 hours/day
• Noah - every ounce of my energy and then some
• The household - cleaning, cooking/prepping food, bills/finances, etc.

Honestly, I don't know how people do it. How do people pursue their passions aside from their full time jobs? I really enjoy photography, I love scuba diving and surfing, exploring and adventure. I don't get that at work. I don't get that in my life right now.

But, you know what? This season is just that - a season. And seasons, by their very nature, are temporary. My son won't always be so young (for better and worse). My work schedule won't always be so hectic. And, Lord willing, Nicole and I will be able to be wise enough with out money that we can afford to go on an adventure here and there. But, ministry...

Ministry takes a time commitment that I just don't have. Nicole and I don't even have the time to read our Bibles on our own, much less go to church, much less start a ministry and commit to it.

Basically, I am feeling restless. I want to be able to express myself, and hopefully the heart of Christ, through service and adventure. I want to see the awesomeness that the world has to offer and hopefully offer a few good things to the world. I want to be the kind of dad that Noah looks up to (and even though it is admirable, I don't want him to only look up to me for serving in the military as is so common). I want to be the kind of husband my wife loves, cherishes, trusts, and is willing to follow because she trusts me and my relationship with Christ. Honestly, I don't think I am being any of those things. And thus my discontentment.....

Congaree National Park

The Congaree National Park - tucked away in an obscure back corner of a little community I wouldn't feel comfortable walking around in (not that there were all that many places to walk around). It took about 15 minutes of driving on interstate highway, another 20-ish minutes of driving on South Carolina 48, and three more turns (but reletively short distance between them) before you're on the driveway to the national park. My first impression was that this place wasn't much different than any other stretch of woods I've explored in my life, and my expectation levels were starting to diminish. After about 5 minutes of the driveway, I reached the parking area - I passed through a gate, but there was no guard or anyone to collect any sort of parking or admission fee. Okay, the parking is free - 1 point for Congaree National Park.

After I got out of my truck, I noticed that just behind a relalively thin layer of trees there was a long visitor's center. It had a cool kind of feel to it. It was inviting. As I walked up to it, it started to feel like a lot of rest stops on the highway feel. You have a covered walkway with bathrooms on the right and the actual Visitor's Center on the right. In this little walkway there are maps up on the walls, and if I remember right, there was a water fountain. But, still...nothing that made me think that this was going to be all too exciting. I mean, I left the house this morning with the intention of capturing some pictures. But, there didn't seem to be anything tat was standing out all that much. So, instead of walking into the Visitor's Center, I decided that I was going to just go ahead,

 and hit one of the trails (I was still hopeful that I would find something cool and unique).

The trails start out on a boardwalk. According to the map (which I picked up on my way out of the park), this boardwalk is a loop that goes for a total of about 2.2 miles. You can exit the boardwalk at one point (I'm not sure if there are more than one exit or not) and it leads to a couple trails. The first two are, the one I went on today, Bluff Trail, and the other is Dog Trail, where you can (as the name suggests) bring your dog(s).

Seeing as I didn't stop to pick up a map (before setting out), and I wasn't sure how much time I could spend out in the woods by myself today, I decided to just keep going on the first trail I saw so I headed down Bluff Trail. At the entrance of the trail, I heard what sounded like a man hitting a wood board with a hammer and almost thought nothing of it. But, I decided to investi

gate a little and found a woodpecker! The one picture I caught of him is hard to see, but if you look close enough and in the center you might be able to see him (I definitely need to get an actual telephoto lense! An 18mm-70mm is fine for most things, but didn't work so well with this woodpecker). The rest of my walk, though, was pretty uneventful. I caught a few more pictures of trees, but there were no other animals that I ran into. No streams (but one, and the water wasn't moving) or anything. So, after about 20 minutes, I turned around and went back. 

I figured before I leave, I better go into the Visitor's Center just to check it out. I'm glad I did. There is a lot more to this place than I thought at first. They offer all kinds of classes and tours: Owl Prowl - 2 hour guided walk on a Friday night, looking for owls; Guided Canoe Tour on Saturdays and Sundays, a 2 hour guided tour about forest canopies; a Backyard Bird Feeding; Birding 101 -a class; a hike that teaches about how the "Champion Tree" process works - how they're determined, etc. After reading the brochure, I am excited to come back with Nicole or maybe even my dad or brothers.

At the Visitor's Center is where I picked up the map of the park and saw all the trails. I am especially interested in checking out the 10 mile hike that goes by the Congaree River.

But, hey - a lesson was learned: always go to the Visitor's Center first. You never know what you might be missing out on if you don't ask what a place has to offer. According to the map, I was definitely on the least exciting and the shortest trail in the park. They have lakes and swamps, and all kinds of animals out there - all I had to do was ask. And it's all free!